14
May
09

Sex,Dog,Tiger,Lion,Breast,Fat

From: Jeff  Peters 

Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am 
To: David  Thorne 
Subject: Membership Renewal 

Dear David 

This  is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon. 

All the best, Jeff Peters 

From: David  Thorne 
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm 
To: Jeff  Peters 
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal 

Dear  Jeff, 

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to  reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not  work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around  $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 – Please confirm that this is  correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a  Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the  price? I own my own legwarmers and headband. 

Regards,  David. 

From: Jeff Peters 
Date: Thursday 9  April 2009 10.01am 
To: David Thorne 
Subject: Re: Re:  Membership Renewal Due 

Hello David 

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20%  discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only  $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags. 

Cheers,  Jeff

From: David Thorne 
Date: Thursday 9 April  2009 10.18am 
To: Jeff Peters 
Subject: Re: Re: Re:  Membership Renewal Due 

Dear Jeff 

Do I get free shipping with  that? 

Regards, David. 

From: Jeff  Peters 
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm 
To: David  Thorne 
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal  Due 

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees  for six months. 

From: David Thorne
Date:  Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm 
To: Jeff Peters 
Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due 

Dear Jeff 

By the  power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in  desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often  turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several  days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from  next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and  limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally  joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after  waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this  was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise  instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with  the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to  ‘lift this’, ”push that’ dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming  muscular and I stopped attending. 

Regards,  David. 

From: Jeff Peters 
Date: Friday 10  April 2009 9.17am 
To: David Thorne 
Subject: Re: Re:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David 

Not sure  how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is  illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most  experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be  helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you  could look at joining instead. 

Cheers, Jeff 

From:  David Thorne 
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am 
To:  Jeff Peters 
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership  Renewal Due 

Dear Jeff 

Yes, I have noticed that there are  many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of  fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but  essentially otherwise purposeless professionals. I knew a guy in high  school who couldn’t talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call  the teacher ‘mum’ and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then  sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness  instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a  community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps  and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously. 

Regards,  David. 

From: Jeff Peters 
Date: Friday 10  April 2009 10.32am 
To: David Thorne 
Subject: Re: Re:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due 

Go f$*k  yourself. 

From: David Thorne 
Date: Friday  10 April 2009 11.38am 
To: Jeff Peters 
Subject: Re: Re:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due 

Dear  Jeff 

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute  you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the  next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt  that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another  side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you  understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that  Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for  yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was  a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around  me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help  you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available  on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I  like to Listen to music by  Linkin  Park . The added angst and  desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest  fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I  find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet  Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to  Hollywood so this may be worth a  try. 

Regards, David.

From: Jeff  Peters 
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm 
To: David  Thorne 
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Membership Renewal Due 

DO NOT EMAIL ME  AGAIN 

From: David Thorne 
Date: Friday 10  April 2009 1.15pm 
To: Jeff Peters 
Subject: Re: Re: Re:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal  Due 

Ok. 

From: Jeff Peters 
Date:  Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm 
To: David Thorne 
Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal  Due 

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me  again? 

From: David Thorne 
Date: Friday 10  April 2009 1.32pm 
To: Jeff Peters 
Subject: Re: Re: Re:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The  middle one. 


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Recent migration to wordpress from blogspot the original blog can still be found at teapls.blogspot.com I have link all image sources on the image itself I will always reference my source whenever possible but with so many images floating around the net, it is pretty hard to identify which image belongs to who. If I have not given the source proper credit, inform me and i will correct it immediately

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