14
Oct
08

My fart and me

hmm i was wondering what to talk abt today, perhaps abt Microsoft windows 7? which by the way is call “windows 7” or perhaps abt google’s new phone gphone?  hmm i think google is getting too big, they are like everywhere on the net now and soon they will dominate the internet and we will become google’s slave. But i still love google though (have to kiss their ass a bit since they will be the next microsoft). windows 7 is just like windows as we know it.. all the same.. They both are big and both dun need any more advertisment.

 

windows 7

windows 7

 

so I thought i will talk about my farts and me.

how many of you out there secretly smells your hand after scratching your armpit/butt/balls(if u have one) and think “WOW HEY that smells pretty good” I have to admit i for one do.. its like the stinkier, the greater the sense of achievement.  I bet if guys can fart at will, they will be having an annual farting contest, where contestants will be eating plenty of beans/cabbage and hold in their fart for 3 days to beat the longest/stinkiest fart record each year. 

 

FART

FART

Because of our social conscious, we hold our fart until we go somewhere quiet before releasing it. But sometimes in public, if it has to come, it has to come. Most ppl deploy a common technique, most commonly used by females call the “landmine”. For this technique to work, you have to be constantly moving. DO NOT STOP AT ANY 1 PLACE FOR MORE THEN 5 seconds.  each step you take, you release a small comfortable amount of gases.. not too much incase it makes too much noise then your landmine technique will be exposed.  

landmines

landmines

This deadly yet effective technique is so called the landmine technic because victims of this technique have reported walking happily in the shopping mall when they suddenly get hit by an overpowering pungent smell. And the worst is they could not walk out of the affected area. (best way to get out of this mine field is to stop and turn 180degree and walk back)

Of course there are various other technique. Another favorite is the “Act blur techinique”. Effective only if theres a group of ppl around and you can’t move away. for example in a car with 4 ppl. if you really have to let it go, make sure you do it slow and quiet. Once anyone asked “who farted”, quicky cover your nose and look at everyone in the car digustingly. A friend of my deployed this technique in the car with me.  You simply can’t get any dumber..

THERES ONLY 2 OF US.. I OBVIOUSLY KNOW ITS NOT ME SO IT HAS TO BE YOU. zzzzzzzz and if i was to fart, i will child lock the windows and let it ripped. thats what friends are for right? to smell your fart, to share the shit molecules amongst those whom you love.

A slight variant techique to “Act blur” is to “Focus target”.  Only difference in this techinique is you choose a target that is most likely to fart and you stare at him viciously. Best to deploy this on somewhere like a train. esp with some ppl standing around. As to who should you focus your target on depends on your own judgement. Personally i like doing it on hot pretty girls who tries to look almighty asif they are too good for all the guys out there. I always leave the polite ones who smiles alone. those ah lians(singaporean definition of female gangsters slut wannabes) are the best to target huahaahahahah. As for the ah lians, dun stare at them, just do quick small digusting glances.

Best if you have friends around then u can whisper loud enough for others to hear but not the ah lians. 

As for the ah lians, i have to disagree on some points made by misspiggylass.blogspot.com/2007/11/ah-lians.html

Ah Lians” Wannabe Must Haves!!
1) Bleach your hair blonde, orange, purple, green or whatever colours you can ever imagine!! Even if it makes you look like a walking and talking traffic light!! To compliment their Ah Beng bfs cool hair job.
2) Yes, yes!! Skimpy outfits are a must!! No “Ah Lians” would walk on the street or even walk out of their house with outfits that are semi-decent!! Either bare your legs, bare your waist, bare your shoulders or everything at once!! You can even walk on the streets in your favourite bikini if you want.
3) Glamour in a pack – Instant make overs from Cover Looks.
4) Membership at beauty salons and slimming centre.
5) Thick make up – Doesnt matter if you look like a brithday cake.
6) Fancy manicured nails.
7) Tattoos and body piercings are important!! Take note!!
8) Branded goods ranging from handbags to shoes to clothes. Even if it’s fake, you still have to flash them all!! To make the Ah Bengs proud!!
9) Sexy high heels – The higher the better……doesn’t matter if you sprain your ankle.
10 ) Must know how to shake your bootie!! Make sure you are the queen of the dance floor.
Firstly shaking your bum like a rabbit is not dancing.
Secondly she make them sound too sohisticated, with all the manicure, salon and shit. i have to disagree
I think utimately what makes a ah lian is the way she walk and present herself. if someone smile at you doesn’t mean he wants to get into your pants. they are just being friendly. Its manners to give a polite smile in public if you accidently connect with ppl’s eyes. I absolutely hate it back in singapore when my eye connect with anyone male or female and they just stare at you. give them a smile and they continue staring. &*(^*%%^$#@$@#&…Its a stupid habbit of my and a slight smile just magically forms whenever my eyes connect. Its fine in a western country just not in sg/my
swearing is not cool, keep all your ccb/kkn/kknccb in the bedroom with your bf. 
I find it really hard to describe ah lians and bengs but normally when you see one, you know one.
from farts to ah lians ….sorrie for digressing.
i wonder what happens to the gas in your stomach when you hold in your fart. like normally if you hold your gas in long enough, it goes away, what happens then? Do it come out from your food pipe and out your mouth eventually? It can’ simply just go away like that. It has to go somewhere right?
Anyway I am sure there are lots of other technique not covered, why not share yours?
Advertisements

3 Responses to “My fart and me”


  1. October 14, 2008 at 3:31 am

    I discovered your homepage by coincidence.
    Very interesting posts and well written.
    I will put your site on my blogroll.
    🙂

  2. 2 Martin
    October 14, 2008 at 7:21 am

    The worst part about windows 7 is that its going to be touch screen. I hate it when finger prints end up on my screen.

    Also WTF Farts!!!11

  3. 3 Ernest
    October 15, 2008 at 1:05 am

    i agree.
    well written post!;)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Recent migration to wordpress from blogspot the original blog can still be found at teapls.blogspot.com I have link all image sources on the image itself I will always reference my source whenever possible but with so many images floating around the net, it is pretty hard to identify which image belongs to who. If I have not given the source proper credit, inform me and i will correct it immediately

Calendar

October 2008
M T W T F S S
« Sep   Nov »
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Category

Email Subscription to teapls


%d bloggers like this: